My Grandma Marie was soo unique. You have to know her well to understand. Heck - just meeting her for a good ten minutes and you would see just how awesome she IS. She is still with me. I know that, I just really want to be ABLE to actually SEE her! You know? I will never get over this. We love all of our family but the love for each is different, not more or less nessicarily (when it comes to the one's closest to us) just that the relationships are different for each. (so hard to explain.) As Rachel explained to me quite well. She "put the words into my mouth." I couldn't have said it better.... Damnit. We thought Grandma was coming home. She was doing reasonable, she was getting better - improving. ♥ They think it was Phenomia - that's why she's gone. Those %$#@ing possibilites. They aren't sure. Excuse my "damnits" and swearing (which I don't usually do) but I have reason to be pissed off. This is my area. Heck - I will talk about my loving Grandma anywhere I want too. ♥ She was SUCH a STRONG person. I can not describe or prove THAT enough. SHE WAS. She had fibre mielga & diabetes for over 30 years, so much happy times and pain but she remained so strong! SO STRONG!!!! She kept her diabetes under control and you know, made sure everything was good all the time. Then just recently being in the hospital for a LOT of pain and then becoming quite drowsy and not all with it BECAUSE of the MEDICATIONS she was on AT THE HOSPITAL. THEN WHEN SHE STARTED COMING AROUND ME AND DAD AND EVERYONE - we were so happy SOOOO HAPPY (like yelling in joy happy)!!!! Then all of a sudden she was gone. No, I still can't accept the fact. What I am writing here is being wrote as it comes to me. She had cancer, yes. But doctors did not THINK it spread to her bones and did not THINK that is WHY she was de-calcifying. She always ate and drank so well. There are more details of course. I mean another week or so and we thought she'd be better in terms of the de-calcifying but this happened. I just can't believe she is gone. The cancer, the tumor was growing but doctors said she wasn't quite time for radiation or chemo yet - she wasn't strong enough yet. They had to get her better. :'( I can't believe this.
Grandma, I miss you SOO much. I love you SOOO much! You know I do, as much as life itself! Wake up my sweet angel and open your eyes please. You can not go, please stay with me because I need you here with me on Earth again. :'(
Here are a few pictures of me and my Grandma. <3 Madalaine Marie
Here is another picture. This one is my favorite of us! ♥
This is an e-mail forward that was just sent to me from a relative. It does describes me quite well, it's called: STRONG PERSON
A strong person knows how to keep their life in order. Even with tears in their eyes, they still manage to say "I'm ok" with a smile. Send this to a strong person. God is good. God saw your sadness and said hard times are over. If you believe in Him, send this to ten people including me. Watch what happens in thirty minutes! Be honest and send this to anyone who made you smile this year.
It may surprise you how many you get back. Thanks for making me smile.
1 comment:
To my cousin Maddie,
My heart broke when I heard about your Grandma. I met her quite a few times and know exactly what you mean about what a unique on awesome lady she was. So vibrant and loving.
You are a very brave and strong young lady, and no matter what, I promise you that you can get through this.
5 years ago this summer, my best friend Lowell and my roommate Jen died together in a car accident. My heart felt heavy and hurt for so long, I cried everyday to the point where I felt crazy. But you know something, I still miss them everyday, but the pain became less and less to the point where I only remembered the good times with them, and not the pain. On the same day as this accident, my cousin Luc (who I grew up with and graduated with, he is more like a brother) was in a separate car accident and is now in a wheelchair, and is only about 1/4 of the person he used to be. I know your pain, I feel heavy still at times, but I love that I got to be part of all 3 of these people's lives so closely. They have brought me so many things and helped mould me into the person I am today. Everyday, I would rather have known them and feel sad about missing them, than not knowing them at all. So cherish this Maddie, cherish everything that she gave you, and be happy you had the time with her that you did.
You will find the pain lessening eventually too, I promise. Every day it will hurt a little less... and feeling overwhelmed is okay, it's natural. Feeling intense pain is normal, it's not anything but you reacting to something you feel strongly about, you are entitled to feel this! Just when you start to hurt... think of the lovely times you have had with her, and feel her smiling down on you. She would never want to see you hurting, so do your best to use this strong emotional time to do something good. Go and help people, or write songs, keep active, just don't let the negativity of this over take you or your spirit.
I love you so much you don't even know.
Take care of yourself Okay!!!
Jessica Lozanski
Post a Comment